Doubling Down on Parenthood:

Facilitator: “Hey Guys. Welcome to this week’s meeting. Who would like to start?”

My hand sheepishly goes up, as it is only my second session. But I am no stranger to bearing my soul on a stage. So here I go.

“Hello. My name is Andrew…and I’m a Father.”

Class, “Hi Andrew.” I wave. Still tired.

“As you all know my wife and I are about to have our second baby. She is actually due next week.

There’s a spattering of congratulations. I ignore them. 

“I’ve been wrestling with this feeling that I couldn’t totally put my finger on until right now. But speaking to you has brought it to life. Its GUILT.

Crazy right? Welllll…How about I give you a little background.

I am an only child raised in a mixture of a single parent household and the foster care system (lots of fodder for future meetings). So when it came time to have my first child, it never occured to me that having one, most likely, meant having 2 (or more). I mean, having the first was hard enough. The way conception seemed to elude us, as if it were only made for the unprepared. The way, once Olive was here, it hit me why sleep deprivation is a core element in Torture and Special Forces Training. Needless to say this sibling concept had to be explained to me, by my wife, in a series of “conversations”. For the first 6 months of Olive’s life I was screaming, ”Hey! I only signed up for one!”

Butttt…Eventually I got it. A friend to grow up with, go through school with, someone to experience life’s ups and downs with. A second child was a blessing, yes. A gift for us. But more than that, it was for my Olive. The ultimate expression in selflessness & love. I understood, and soon enough I was excited to be on the road to number 2.

-…That is until the 3am questions started.-

• How will I give Olive all the time and attention she’s used to?

• How will I have the energy to pick up, fall down, jump, and catch a flying toddler if I’m going to feel the way I felt the first time around?

  As if that wasn’t enough.

• Am I robbing baby number 2 of the experience of having a fully invested father during the infant stage? Will I still have the focus for rigorously scheduled tummy times and flash card routines.

• Will there be resentment from one? Both?

• Will Olive whisper to #2 in her bassinet “whew, you got a raw deal.”

Maybe not, you’ll say im over reacting, but.. we didn’t even get the 4Moms Bassinet for baby #2 with the motion and sound settings. All controlled from the app mind you. Nope, just got her a regular old bedside situation (graciously gifted to us by a dear friend).. But…. Has it started already? Am I already not living up to the standard I set the first time around?

Here are the things im reading, watching, and listening to, to see if any of this tracks.

Reading

Ready or Not: Preparing Our Kids to Thrive in an Uncertain and Rapidly Changing World" by Madeline Levine. This book primarily focuses on how to raise resilient kids in today's fast-paced world, but its advice about teaching siblings to navigate challenges and become self-reliant can be quite beneficial for parents expecting their second child.

The Second Baby Book: How to cope with pregnancy number two and create a happy home for your firstborn by Sarah Ockwell-Smith. This book is a guide for parents on how to navigate the emotional challenges of expanding their family.

Watching

Transitioning From 1 To 2 Kids by JesssFam on YouTube. In this video, Jess shares her personal experiences and practical tips on making the transition.

Preparing your child for a new sibling by Parents. This video provides advice from experts on how to help your first child adjust to the idea of a new sibling.

Listening

The Longest Shortest Time: Siblings - The Longest Shortest Time is a podcast about parenting. They have multiple episodes on the topic of siblings that delve into the dynamics, rivalry, and managing transitions.

The Mom Hour Podcast: Adding a Second Child - In this episode, Meagan and Sarah, mothers of multiple kids, share their personal experiences of transitioning from one child to two.

“You're not alone. I’m not alone.”

Surviving the Shift

They say when the second child arrives, you suddenly realize that the heart's capacity to love is indeed infinite but the day still only has 24 hours, your patience is still finite, and coffee can only do so much.

Transitioning from one to two children is not just about practical adjustments, but also emotional ones. Parents, especially first-borns or only children, often grapple with feelings of guilt, anxiety, and the fear of not being 'enough'.

Here's the good news: You're not alone. I’m not alone. Many parents have walked this path and have not only survived but also learned how to thrive.

Practical Tip #1: Establishing 'Me and You' Time

One of the best ways to alleviate feelings of guilt is to establish dedicated time for your first-born. This 'Me and You' time can be something as simple as reading a book together or a walk in the park. It's not about the activity, but about the message it sends: You are still important. You are still loved.

Practical Tip #2: Involving the First-born in Baby Care

Involving your first-born in taking care of the baby can make them feel important and involved. It can be small tasks like fetching a diaper or singing a lullaby. Remember, it's not about the 'perfect' lullaby but the bonding that happens in the process.

And so, fellow Villagers, here I stand at the precipice of becoming a parent of two.

RSVP

I invite you to join me on this journey - the highs, the lows, and everything in between. What are your experiences navigating from one child to two? What words of wisdom can you offer? How was your journey from one child to two? What worked, what didn't? How did you manage your feelings of guilt, if any? We would love to hear your stories. Don’t hesitate to hit reply and share your thoughts, because next week, it could be your story lighting the way for another parent.

I hear my toddler now, banging on my office door like she's about to serve me an eviction notice...I wonder if she's already staking claim on her territory before the new baby arrives?

Stay tuned as I keep you updated on this road nobody should go travel alone. We will also delve deeper into the mysteries of sibling relationships in our upcoming newsletters. Trust me, you won't want to miss out on our journey into the world of 'two-around-two' and all the chaos that promises! Keep those dad jokes and parenting stories coming, and remember, we're all just tripping over parenthood together!

If you’re in need of some extra help around the house… If you’re losing yourself in laundry or boxes long overdue to be unpacked.. or if you can no longer see the back of your refrigerator. Our parent company, Village, provides on-demand assistance so you can focus on the things that are most important. Click the link to find out more! 😀 

Stay strong, laugh often, and hold on to the joy in this wild ride we call parenthood.

Your fellow villager, Andrew

CPO - Chief Parenting Officer

P.S. If you're finding 'Tripping Over Parenthood' useful, share it with a friend! They'll thank you for it... after they've had their coffee, of course.

Dad Joke of the Week

Q: What do you call a Dog under water?

A: A Sub-Woofer